Monthly Archives: March 2016

brief observations about the fact of being married

I got a nice email this morning from an English professor who is very active in Dreiser scholarship.

We have had frequent contact by email.

He mentioned to me in his email, which was about my new web site, that he was away for the weekend visiting his daughter.

We don’t ordinarily exchange personal information, but I emailed him back, and told him as an aside that my sons were in Washington this weekend visiting my brother and wife.

This got me to thinking about something: it’s wonderful to be able to say, with pride, that you are married, and even more wonderful when one can say, I have children.

Earns you immediate respect and credibility, as well as acceptance.

My wife gave me that.

I must not forget this.

When I was a hapless guy in my twenties without a girlfriend, I was seeing a therapist. He was happily married with two children, but he never commented to me in this vein — namely, that guys without a wife are impoverished in some respects. But he did say something along these lines a few times after I had found a partner.

When you think about it, getting married is a rite of passage, one of Erikson’s developmental stages. If one doesn’t achieve marriage, one has “flunked” a stage.

My wife has given me respect and credibility by making me into a married man, one with children no less.

Sons who are admirable in many respects.

I SHOULD ADD: I realize that for various reasons, many people choose to stay unmarried. I myself liked the freedom of the single life when I was living in Manhattan in my twenties.

I am speaking from my own experience and very much for myself here. I do not mean and am not trying to necessarily generalize to everyone else.

— Roger W. Smith, email to a friend, February 28, 2016

reflections on work

The following is the text of an email of mine to a friend:

I think you told me once that you like your work and don’t want to quit.

I hope that’s true.

My Dad was a freelance musician and piano teacher. He was very skilled, was a natural. Loved people. Loved entertaining them and making them happy.

He loved his work; loved being his own boss.

He started working as a musician when he was still in high school.

He used to say all the time, “I never worked a day in my life.” It was a pleasure to hear him say that. I realized that few people could honestly say that they felt that way.

My father tried to “go straight” for a while when he was starting a family. He took a regular job, the only one he ever had, selling advertisements for a radio station. He didn’t stay long.

I never liked working in an office – in fact, I hated it. Hated the office culture and the hours.

I always work better when I am working independently. I am very responsible and will go all out to do a good job. But I hate to be told what to do. I like to set my own standards and work at my own pace.

— Roger W. Smith

email to a friend, March 2, 2016

An Early Lesson in Writing

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When I was around 13 and still in junior high school, we had a discussion at the dinner table in our home in Massachusetts one Sunday afternoon that was intellectually stimulating, as was often the case.

My older brother was telling us an anecdote about Mr. Tighe, his English teacher at Canton High School.

A girl student had written a paper for Mr. Tighe in which she used the archaic word yclept, meaning named or called. It was used by Chaucer and Milton.

Mr. Tighe ridiculed her for this. He observed that the simplest and clearest word was always desirable.

Being only 13 and not savvy, I was quite surprised to hear this. I spoke up at the dinner table, and said, “I thought that writers were supposed to use big words.”

“Oh no,” my father, Alan W. Smith — who, besides being a musician, was superbly articulate — said, “you should always use the plainest, simplest word.”

I never forgot this discussion and remark. It was a revelation to me, the start of learning how to write well.

It was a salutary “lesson.”

— Roger W. Smith

March 2016

Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn

Eastern Parkway is located in Brooklyn close to Prospect Park and the Brooklyn Public Library. This photo was taken in 2008 by Roger W. Smith.

Cathedral Ave, Brooklyn.jpg

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