Monthly Archives: December 2016

in which I take stock of myself considered as a reader

The following is the text of an email of mine from today to an academic with whom I have had contact periodically regarding literary scholarship. Her research interests are in the area of early twentieth century American literature.

— Roger W. Smith

December 3, 2016

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Thanks for the reply.

I am an independent scholar.

I didn’t even major in English.

Nevertheless, I did teach world literature and English composition as an adjunct professor for a while.

People, including academics, seem to be impressed with the depth and breadth of my reading.

I have always been a reader, most it and by far the best and most rewarding reading, was done independently.

Yet, I have never regarded myself as an omnivorous reader. I tend to consume books slowly and deliberately.

I have had friends who left me in the dust, so to speak, in terms of the depth and breadth of their reading and the level of difficulty of the works they have read.

In my haphazard, indiscriminate way, I do seem to have read a lot. A plus factor seems to be that I don’t waste my time on junk.

So, someone will mention a writer such as Frank Norris, Sinclair Lewis, or Sherwood Anderson to me. I can claim to have read either a fair amount or a smattering, out of sheer interest. In the case of a writer such as Lewis, a lot.

I do continue to do indiscriminate reading, but it’s reading with a purpose. I seem to be developing a métier as an essayist. This has motivated me lately to want to read or reread the works of great essayists such as Milton, Samuel Johnson, Emerson, and Thoreau. I am just getting around to doing this, or trying to.

I am also trying to read writers who influenced Theodore Dreiser, such as Balzac, whom I know and love already but always wanted to read more of.

Sincerely,

Roger

parenting (no one ever seems to get it right)

For what it’s worth, I would like to share something which I have been discussing with a relative of mine.

He has had issues with his son, who is a young adult.

They started when his son was a teenager. Prior to that, their relationship was hunky dory.

Sound familiar? It goes without saying that parent-child issues often arise during adolescence.

My relative has often told me that he did not have a good relationship with his own father. He felt that his father was not a good parent.

His son was born when he and his wife were approaching middle age. They were overjoyed to become parents.

He couldn’t spend enough time with his son. Every spare moment when he was home. He doted on his son.

He was determined to show what a good parent he could be. He was determined to be the father that he himself had never had.

In retrospect, my friend realizes, feels, that he tried too hard; it seems that way to him now.

He did not give his son enough “space,” so to speak. He thinks some of his son’s resentment towards him, which took him by surprise, might have been his son’s way of saying something that the son probably was not consciously aware of and would not have been able, in any case, to articulate: give me space; let me breathe.

To grow and develop on his own.

Recollecting his own experience as a son, with his neglectful and unsensitive father, my relative realizes that he was given a lot of space as a child, that his parents did not interfere, participate in, meddle with, take part in many of his childhood activities, and that, on balance, this was a good thing. He was able to play, daydream, think for himself, make friends, develop interests and pastimes, etc. on his own.

What do I think this story illustrates, one might ask. What’s the point?

I think one can conclude – not that my relative has been a bad parent, and not that he did not have legitimate grievances in the case of his own father — but that every parent makes mistakes (not just minor ones).

Every parent fails.

We all – us parents, that is – screw up. No matter how hard we try, we all seem to make major mistakes in child rearing. There is no right way to do it. No wonder children get angry with their parents as they grow older. There are no perfect parents. Maybe Ward and June Cleaver. In real life, there is no such thing.

And, there are no foolproof parenting strategies. The child rearing experts come and go. Their opinions are all over the map.

— Roger W. Smith

December 2016

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